Frozen Gum: Lesson One; Rushing Love

This entry begins my Frozen Gum series. Frozen Gum lessons are things that are so hard to learn that they don't automatically stick to you. They're there like a big lump you carry around, but until they thaw out you won't learn from them. For these entries, I'm going to let you in on a little secret so you can stick with my rambling...These are set up

Intro>Lesson>Story>What I learned> What you can learn.

I hope you enjoy these, and please leave a comment telling me what you took from the lesson!

Rushing Love.

In the age of technology, life has become fast-paced. If you want to send someone a document, you can fax it, scan it, email it, or even take a picture of it on your phone and send it to them. Want to talk to someone? Text, call, email, skype...the possibilities are endless. So when you meet someone new, it's easy for relationships to progress faster and for feelings to become public knowledge easier. However, something that has finally thawed out in my brain is that Love cannot be rushed. Think of the great romances...

Did Beauty and the Beast text each other from different sides of the castle to say that there must be something there that wasn't there before? No.

Did Prince Eric look at Ariel's Facebook and see that she was really a mermaid? No.

Did Snow White tweet that some weird old lady is at her door selling apples? No.

Love has to grow. We have all heard of love at first sight, and I'm not going to say that it doesn't exist, but I will say that love at first sight grows from infatuation at first glance. For a relationship to work, it has to last past infatuation. Past the honeymoon stage. And past the hostile stage.

So how did I become the expert? I didn't. I'm not going to sit here and tell you how to go about your love life, but if you can learn from my mistakes, then I've done my part as a writer. Here's my story:

This past January, I ended a 2 year 3 month relationship (speckled with mini break-ups). I had been living with him, and decided that the relationship was not going to work. I decided to move out (Jan. 7) and I began talking to an old flame of mine.

     History:

• The old flame and I only dated a month during one of my mini-breakups.
• I left him to go back to the original guy after the month.
• We originally started dating a week after we met.

Anyways, after we began talking, I told him I needed some time to get my head on straight and focus on me. This was all great in theory, but we continued to talk. And damn technology to hell because our relationship began blossoming through texts, phone calls, facebook, and e-mails. I was becoming infatuated with my rebound. We finally decided to just make ourselves an official couple (Feb. 16) I thought this was great. He offered me such a change of pace. He was kind, sweet....but serious. It was a refreshing change from the old guy. But he was just a rebound. At the beginning he was fabulous, and it seemed to get even better when he proposed (March 6)! *And now for a mini lesson:

1. Boys- Don't propose when a girl is drunk. Or even tipsy. Or even if she's only had a sip. Alcohol has no place in a proposal until after she has said a sober yes.
2. Girls- Just because he is down on one knee does not mean you have to say yes. And if he has already bought a ring, don't worry about the money; chances are that the ring is cheaper than a divorce lawyer. *

I think you all get the point...We moved really really fast. Stupid fast. We moved in together and by the time that I realized that I didn't love him, I had a beautiful diamond ring on my finger and we were making save-the-dates. In fact, I didn't realize how serious my dilema was until I was trying on wedding dresses with my best friend.

We were having a great time looking at all the dresses, and I was sure that I had found my dream wedding dress, but I kept joking around saying that I had guys lined up to come in and stop the wedding when the pastor says, "Speak now or forever hold your peace..." I could tell by the look in my friend's eye that she knew I was being serious. The truth is, I had talked to some guy friends of mine. They all agreed that I was being crazy for getting married, and I even begged some of them to come in and call off my wedding! I was making a mistake, and I was so caught up in proving everyone wrong, that I was denying myself the truth. As I was driving my best friend home that day, she looked over at me and simply said, "Are you sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?" I immediately began crying and spent the rest of the night talking with her and my make-shift mother (an old neighbor) about how I'm going to end the relationship. I had been contemplating ending it for a while, and knowing that people actually supported my decision filled me with the courage to do so.

That night (July 29) I told him that he needed to get his belongings out of my apartment. To this day, it was the best decision of my life.

So what did I learn? Obviously, Love can't be rushed. I also learned that I don't have to feel obligated to stay with someone because of a promise I made or money spent. No promise can bring happiness if you aren't behind that promise 100 percent.

So, ladies (and men too), don't rush love. If the person you're seeing doesn't want to wait, then they're not worth your time. This can seem SO hard to do when things are new and exciting, but guard your heart and try to think rationally about your relationships. There is always a honeymoon stage and until you pass that stage, friends and family can help you see rationally. (However, to the friends and family out there, do so nicely!!!) Another lesson to be learned is to put yourself first if you don't feel like you should be in the relationship. There is NO excuse to stay in a relationship if you do not truely love the person. It doesn't matter how much time has gone into the relationship, if there isn't love, passion, attraction, and commitment, there is no relationship.